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Broken heart

Your heart belongs to me, or at least that's what you've said time and time again. And so, when you turned it over to the surgeons today, it felt like a part of me was pulled away. All day I sat in different spaces with the same feeling, willing myself to be distracted by conversation while secretly my mind struggled to remind me to breathe. I caught tears at the back of my eyes and sobs in my throat, tucking them away from the strangers around me. 

I was patient through the hours, feeding on each report the nurse brought me but never feeling full, knowing I'd be hungry until I could feast my eyes on you again. As the clock ticked on I became restless, pacing the hallway at the hour I knew you should be done. I caught sight of your head as they wheeled you into the ICU and my breath quickened and I was revived.

The surgeon came to talk of aortas and grafts, walk me through the mending of the heart I own, drawing pictures with hands that performed amazing feats today, hands that have given you more of a life than you had this morning. 

In the ICU my own inferior hands found your skin, touched you so that my mind could believe what my eyes were seeing - the man I love, safe and sound. 

Miracles were wrought for you today, miracles of God and science. Care for this heart that you are housing for me as it heals that I may not have to watch it wheeled away from me again.

Happiness

I am seriously working on finding happiness in my life as it is now. It is kind of a battle for me, but I have really been thinking lately about how we are really responsible for our own happiness. The world isn't going to make sure we are happy, and often times things aren't just going to happen for us that ensure happiness. It is up to  me to find joy in my everyday life. For me, this means digging deeper than the basic things that make me happy, like a cup of good hot chocolate, a good movie, etc. Because those things aren't lasting. If I am not happy with myself at the core, it is a lot harder to be joyful on the outside. I am working on finding things about myself that I love, and on putting out a more positive attitude about the world around me as well. Changing isn't easy, and it isn't quick, but it is sometimes necessary. Wish me luck.

Halloween

Halloween is over? Already? What happened? At this rate it will be New Year's and I will be left wondering what happened to Thanksgiving and Christmas.

This year, my kids were (in order from youngest to oldest) a bat, a punk rocker, a witch, and Athena. We trick-or-treated until almost 9 last night, and the haul the kids brought in was substantial. Enough to keep them in candy until Easter.

Crafty organization

I haven't posted since last November. I know, I know, it has been almost a year. Let's not talk about it. Dwelling on things is a bad habit. Let's just move on.

I got crafty this week, something I haven't done in a long time. You see, my dresser has been accumulating a massive pile of stuff, and within that mess was my jewelry. I have various jewelry boxes, and every couple of months I make an attempt to reorganize things, but my earrings, necklaces, and bracelets inevitably end up i a heap on my dresser, or spilling out of a box, tangled and difficult to manage. I had had enough.

So I made these:

And they are awesome. Organization and function masquerading as decor. I love them! Here are a couple of closer shots:

I wish I had taken pictures of the frames beforehand. They were just a couple of cheap, beat up frames from D.I. - I paid $3 for both. One was gold and one was wood. I spray painted them black, replaced the backing with hardware cloth, and voila! You can't see the detail really well on the longer frame, but it is lovely. And all my hangy jewelry is where I can see it, but out of the way. I also put some of my hair clips on there. And hanging on my wall it looks like art. Perfect! The pictures don't really do the whole thing justice. Even Jon thought it was really cool. (You know, since he knows what is cool. Ha!)

So that is it for show and tell. Guess I'll see you next year. 

Very Merry Christmas Cards

This year, I am longing to try out Shutterfly's holiday cards. It has been years since I sent out cards - the cost plus the need to have a good family picture have precluded it. But this year, I have an opportunity to get 50 free cards from Shutterfly, and I am going for it! (Although with Shutterfly, the cards are so cheap anyway that I might have done it!) They are offering the free cards to bloggers, and so here we are. 

There are so many great cards to choose from that it may be difficult to decide!!! I really like the message on this one, along with the use of pops of color:

I would love this one, maybe with a picture of the whole family in the middle and one of the boys on one side and the girls on the other:

And this one is just fun with the snowflakes and the colorful letters against a black and white photo, whether I use a family picture of one of just the kids:

Or, finally, this one, which is a folded card, and which I think is just so simple and beautiful:

I also like the gift options that Shutterfly offers, especially the calendars, which I am thinking might make a good gift for certain family members:

So there are my top picks from Shutterfly for this holiday season - what are yours? If you blog, head on over and fill out the form too! It is one way to make your Christmas a little merrier!

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens

Let me start off by saying that I dislike the song whose lyrics are composing my title this morning. As a matter of fact, looking back to yesterday, I referenced another song from that production in my title as well. I actually do not care for that movie. I know what you are saying on the other side of your computer screens. "What, does she kick puppies too?" No, I don't. Well, except for that one time. But he was asking for it...

The reason I chose those lyrics for this post is not because I am thankful for raindrops on roses or whiskers on kittens, but rather because that song is composed of a seemingly unending list of what the singer's favorite things are, and after missing a few days of posting, that is what my list of things I am thankful for is starting to feel like. So let us catch up to today, before it gets any more out of hand.

Over the weekend, I came down with the cold that I have been fighting off in Anna for the last week and a half. It was inevitable, I suppose, but my 6th day found me grateful for health as I was saying goodbye to my own.

Sunday was the 7th day (how appropriate,) and the weather here was rainy and cold. I was thankful for the rainy day, when I was able to just stay inside, in comfy clothes, on my bed, fighting the cold and rading and playing Lego Harry Potter on the Wii (don't judge - it is an addictive game.)

Yesterday, Monday, day 8, I was thankful for being able to get up and make breakfast for my kids. Most mornings I work out early, and the kids have already fended for themselves by the time I get home. Since I was still kind of sick, I didn't workout, but instead made the kids French toast. (I hate French toast, but they love it.) They had bellies full of warm food, and that made us all happy.

That brings us to today - number 9 in the lineup. Today I am thankful for a combo - vitamin C, zinc, and Airborne. Thanks to those, and copious amounts of water, I am pretty much over my cold - a record 2 1/2 days in length - and was able to go to the gym this morning and run my first-ever 5K on the treadmill.

Ah, I am all caught up (can I be grateful for that too?) What are you thankful for?